nammamane

Savi turns two in a week. Two year olds are pretty hard to figure out themselves but they make figuring out life, people and relationships a lot easier. Let me explain …

We were all 2 year olds at one point. And then we grew up. Or did we? We just got more complex, I guess. We started to talk less, behave more civilized and controlled our emotions and desires. Flip that around and guess what? We started to assume more, be less spontaneous and less expressive. Our desires did not really go away but we tried our best to suppress them. While this may not be totally true I think most of us will agree that it is mostly true. So? So we are all really 2 year olds … only much harder to figure out. See? That is where my little helper comes in ….

My lessons:
1. “MEEEEEE MA!” : Do NOT shove food in her mouth when she does not want to eat and do NOT try to help her with her clothes or shoes.
Translated: Every individual in life is unique. People change and grow up. Try to understand the person before you offer too much help. Sometimes a person might just need you to listen … be sensitive to a person’s body language and non verbal cues to learn how much is too much.

2. “NOWWWW MA!” : This typically happens when she is asking for something and I am pretending to listen :).
Translated: Do not engage in a conversation with ANYONE when you are not willing to listen. Listening means you process what is said and respond right there and right then. If a 2 year old can figure out that you are pretending, so can anyone else and pretense is never good for any relationship (let alone the not listening bit!).

3. “HAPPY MA?” : Anger and fear almost never work with her. Sadness almost always does. Savi cannot bear to see Pree or me sad. It is the quickest way to get her to do anything!
Translated: Never use fear and anger to modify a person’s behavior and/or actions. While it might have the desired effect in the short term, it is always detrimental in the long term. Genuine relationships are driven by care and concern. The simplest way to get work done is by letting the person know that you are unhappy and why.

4. “NICE AMMA” : It is amazing to see how a two year old can appreciate the little things in life. Eyes wide open and the widest smile with a subtle dimple. Ahh, it gladdens my heart!
Translated: People work hard to make each other happy. Every little act of a friend/family member is a manifestation of the desire to make you happy. Recognize that. Appreciate, share and compliment them. Every single time. It is never “too many times” when it is genuine.

5. “HOLD!!!” : I might be grown up and want to do everything myself, but for now I need you to hold me!
Translated: Grownups need to be “held” as well. Learn to recognize how people that matter to you “ask to be held”. Most importantly, learn to recognize the time you need to he “held”. A little warmth from time to time is probably just what you need to send you off playing like a 2 year old!

It was exactly 10 years ago that I moved to Columbus, Ohio. It is the only place Pree and I have known in the US …in fact it is the longest stretch of time Pree has been in any single place. Over the years Columbus became home …our wonderful experiences at Ohio State, the times Pree and I spent together, the home, the animals and the kids …the people we met over the years, the friends we made, the coworkers …the hikes, the walks with the dogs, the library next door ….

Over the years people moved in and out of Columbus while we stayed on. We felt wonderfully well settled and able to handle the changes brought on by our growing family …so much so that we quietly hoped that life would bring us some new challenges and/or experiences of a new place ….

Ahh….be careful what you wish for!

I guess I will remember that day for the rest of my life. 32 weeks pregnant. On my way to an office party. Quick checkup at my doc. She says hello. I smile back. “Why”, she says “something wrong?”.

“Why”, I say “do I look like something is wrong?”.

“As a matter of fact, you do.”

“Yup, it has been exhausting. Had no idea Braxton Hicks can be so tiring. And of course, with the second one you know how it feels like the child is ready to pop out any time!” (I am still trying to be funny here;))

My doc is buying none of that. She knows me way too well. She is checking me before I know it ….giving me her verdict…
“You need to go home RIGHT NOW and … ”

That is where my memory starts to fail me. I was in a state of shock perhaps. I was so sure my doctor was overreacting…. Bed rest? No way! For 8 weeks?? Hah, you must be kidding me …
She left me for a few minutes … I caught bits and pieces of her hallway conversation with a nurse…. shots to stop my contractions, home monitoring, short term disability …..

Reality was starting to hit home ….

Looking back it seems like that was the day that changed a number of things in our lives. No way! Cannot do bedrest with a crazy toddler and a globe trotting husband! My mom rushed to the US to help us …Pree decided to interview … and lands a job before we even realize it.

Everything has been a haze since that day. I never ever imagined I’d quit my job and move as quickly as we did. There really wasn’t enough time to have a “going away lunch” with friends or talk “career plans” with colleagues. Off I went to India with the kids and let Pree handle the mechanics of moving (he took with him more kids than i did - 2 dogs and a cat) while we split our workload ;) …

I had never imagined I would wake up one morning and quit my job (to be a SAHM). I had never imagined I would stay away from Pree for months together….but life and kids teach you to be practical …they teach you to prioritize. We make certain decisions and hope they are the best ones - for the kids, the animals and all ….

We did just that and here I am 3 months later. We have finally relocated (yes, Pree lied ;)) and it is time to resume my life and my blog. Columbus seems so close yet so far … just think of it like India…it gave me years of joy, personal growth, prosperity, good friends and family …all the things that will never go away. I am as excited about Seattle as I was abut Columbus a decade ago, ready to explore, discover and live our lives to the fullest!

Sara of the Juggle asks her readers: Would different choices earlier have made your juggle (managing career+family) easier?

Besides being informed, I am not sure anything else would have made my Juggle easier.
I have not heard anyone say, “I did 1,2,3,4 and 5 …and really, my childrearing has been such a breeze!”.

I am not so sure. I am not even sure that the question Sara asks makes much sense at all.

Here is why …

I really think it is the choices that I now, AFTER I have started my juggle, that have the power to make all the difference. It is the little things. It is about making decisions that let you enjoy your “today” and your babies, dogs and spouses that make all the difference. It is all about realizing where to draw the line. It is about accepting the fact that you are not a superhuman.
EVERYONE can juggle, but is everyone a super juggler? Is everyone with a seemingly super juggling act actually happy and content?

After all, it is not about the juggle …it is about enjoying life and sooner or later the juggle will take care of itself.